i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
