Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
