So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When are your genitals available?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
