Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
