Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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