what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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