so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
