i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
