did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
