i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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