I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
