New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
