I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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