Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
