ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
