no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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