how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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