five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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