i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
