i need an iv and a liver transplant
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
