Need sex. Gaining weight.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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