I looked at my own cervix.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
