found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
