You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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