a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
