im having a threesome with these popsicles
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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