so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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