I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
