I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize