those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
