College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
