Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
