You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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