You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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