I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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