Barsexuality is the new black.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize