I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
