Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
