i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
