just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
