I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
