He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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