I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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