I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
