You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
