I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
