watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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