We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
