Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
