Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
