The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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