I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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