all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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