I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize