The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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