I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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