Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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