How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
