I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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