THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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