When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
