Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
