you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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