real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
