First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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