There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think your dad took our porno
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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