If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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