So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
