The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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