Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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