the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize