Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
