I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
