i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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