well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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