Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
