smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
