mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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