doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
