Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
