on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
