So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
