So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
