Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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