what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
