The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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