its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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