Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
