Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
