I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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