you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
