I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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