oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
