When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize