I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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