I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
