Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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