I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize