tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
