Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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