Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
