Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
