life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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