were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
