Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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