Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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