If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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