she told me i tasted like america
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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