you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
