I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize