He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
