This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
