he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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