Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
