he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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