i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
